Reminiscing on the NICU last year

1 year ago we were walking our hardest journey in our life. I was reminded of this journey with a Facebook memory shown to me.

Our NICU stay was challenging and we were so blessed to bring our baby home with us. But that isn’t everyone’s story. I feel like I stayed fairly silent on my NICU story and may always choose this route. It isn't really my story to tell anyways but really only a small handful of us will ever be able to remember the walk that was taken. It was a journey of 1,000 steps. Full of setbacks, milestones, hard moments, and happy tears. We prayed and prayed and prayed. And when we felt the weakest, we prayed some more.

It was so incredibly hard to see Jayden with so many cords and monitors. Yet alone that he had to have surgery within the first few days of life. So much of my basic knowledge to care for a baby was completely removed from me. I had to rely on medical teams to help me understand how to best care for my own baby.

I will always be humbled by the outpouring of love and support we received during this time from all walks of life. Family, friends, strangers, and medical staff reached out to us. On the day Jayden failed his esophagram, our surgeon came personally to talk to us. Our doctor on staff for that week embraced me and let me break down. Nurses that we had bonded with filtered in to offer their support. It’s amazing the bonds you can create with people in the shortest period of time. Friends sat with us for cafeteria meals, played with my children at the rainbow house, and offered their houses for the holidays. My in-laws cared for my children and provided a Christmas so my children wouldn’t miss out. My parents took our dogs during this time. FYI- my 2 oldest children look back on this time fondly and think of it as the greatest Christmas.

I watched my 2 big kids become even bigger over night. They learned to see me less and even to fall asleep without me. They played away their days with their dad or grandma or their cousins. That was hard. Really hard. Mostly for me. They handled it all like a champ. 

Looking back, I was so strong during this time. But, I know that going through it, I feel so weak and unprepared. I was just going through the motions and surviving. I took everything one day at a time. Each morning, we prayed together as a family. I also frequently asked God to hold my hand and give me strength. 

I'm so thankful to have brought our baby home and survived our first year. I'm thankful for the path God gave me and I know my hardship brought so much more to who I am and what I have to offer this place. For that, sweet baby boy Jayden, I am eternally grateful you chose me. God knew I was prepared and strong enough for you. I just had to show the fight I had in me. For you, I would do it 100 times over again. Love, Mom