10 Year Wedding Anniversary

A whole sweet decade full of so much life was celebrated yesterday. My husband and I can't even believe we are at 10 whole years of marriage. It went fast and hit me hard as I reflected on our anniversary about what all we have done during this time.

 I could go through and list all I thought about but there was really so much of everything packed into this time. Big things, small stuff, and all the emotions. Some of the big stuff included adding 3 kids, moving multiple times, and spending a decade in a town we thought would be our short-term plan. We didn't know how much we would love the small town we didn't know existed until our first adult job hunting experience started.

I wish I could say we only saw easy and good times but I already know that the hard times molded us further together and showed us who we really are. The hard stuff makes you appreciate the good stuff. You know?

As our kids looked through our wedding pictures I see how much I have grown. I am definitely not the same person I was when I got married. Building a life together, especially as you add in children, will do that to a person. I'm excited to see how much we have changed in the next decade.

To my husband, thanks for always dancing through life with me. May you continue to hold my hand as we grow old together.

Cheers to the next chapter.

Father's Day 2018

Today was no day out of the ordinary for us, but we did get to celebrate a few special fathers in our life. Monte's father had stayed at our house for the weekend so we got to spend time with him in person. We also talked to my father and wished him the best day.

Our biggest joy was celebrating my husband and letting his children soak him up. I helped them make some cute pictures and answer questions about their daddy.

Some of their answers were simply hilarious.

These pictures were all taken today and exemplify how my husband dedicates his day to each child individually and is very purposeful in making sure he knows each one. For this, I am truly thankful.

To my husband, it's a real honor watching you as a father. You're one of the best and choosing to help your daughter fulfill her most recent dream to have a fairy garden in this weather is just one of the many examples I have to prove it. We love you so much and you play the biggest role in our lives. Thank you for all you do.

Many moons ago, we had no idea where our lives were headed. We had no idea the trials and tribulations we would endure. I wouldn't have chosen this path with anyone but you.

Happy Father's Day!

A Milestone Birthday, a Wedding, and A New Baby in Our Family

Holy cow, our weekend and start of our week was extremely busy. Like, super crazy. It was a milestone birthday for me (the big 3-0), the kids and I were in a wedding for our close friends, and my sister had her baby on my birthday! My sister chose to have her baby at a local hospital for us (which is several hours away from her house) so we kept her other daughter and my mother at our house during this time. The baby wasn't due quite yet so it was quite a nice surprise that she chose to come on the same day as my birthday. I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life celebrating the same birthday date as my niece.

With all these life events, I had tons of pictures and videos from the weekend. I felt the best way to get them up on here would be through a YouTube video. So, today the kids and I put one together:



My husband gave me a surprise birthday party and I had absolutely no idea. None whatsoever. I think that's the beauty in being pregnant as I tend to be a bit oblivious to everything going on. He wanted to keep it really small but was sure to bring in 3 of my friends from high school. It was so great to see them as I still talk to them all the time but rarely actually get to see them. I'm sure it goes without saying but this was just another opportunity where I was reminded of just how my husband means to me and how good he is to me. After being surprised with the party, I was able to think back and realize how stressed he must have been with all of the extra work of planning, cleaning, and preparing on his plate. So, thank you hubby for making life so good for me!

Most people who know me well would probably guess that turning 30 would be quite hard for me. In the past, I have struggled with most birthdays and the whole concept of getting older. It even surprises me to admit this but I really didn't struggle with turning 30. In fact, I have pretty much embraced it. Sure it's bittersweet but I'm also excited to see where life will take me in the next decade.

My 20s were full of learning, personal growth, and challenging experiences. I had many beautiful milestones such as graduating college, becoming fully licensed as a counselor, getting married, buying our first home, starting a rental business, having 2 children, and learning about parenthood. There were also so many hard moments including moving, infertility, death, financial struggles, exhaustion, jobs I absolutely did not like, sickness, and marital issues. There were many ups and downs but I have learned a lot about who I am and what I want from life through these periods of time. I still have so much to learn and am excited for my journey to unfold.

My family all returned home this morning so we plan to take the next few days and recover! Our household is definitely in need of some down time!

Hope you are enjoying your week.

Happy Anniversary to My Love

Today, my husband and I celebrate 8 years of marriage. I love anniversary celebrations and have been known to take the whole week and make it full of celebrating with extra treats, surprises, and gifts. This year, I've been slacking though. I don't even think we will get a special meal tonight as it's looking like we will have leftovers. There just seems to be so much going on with potty training, activities, Monte's job, and diy projects around the house.

We have taken extra time to regularly talk about our memories of our wedding with our children and take them down a quick picture trip down memory lane. They are still young but have enjoyed looking at the pictures and hearing about our special day. Payton is having a hard time grasping the concept of a wedding anniversary though, so she refers to it as a wedding birthday. I suppose, in many ways, she isn't wrong!

8 years and it's been a beautiful ride. Our marriage has been much more challenged than ever before since having children but, at the end of the day, this is exactly where I am meant to be. Our children have also deeply blessed us in more ways than we could ever put to words. I am so thankful for the journey God has given me and can't wait to see what is in store for us down the road.

Real love stories never have endings. – Richard Bach

Happy Anniversary to my husband! My life has only been more enriched to have you, my better half, in it.

The Guy Behind the Blog

So, as I mentioned here, I am going to participate in the Guy Behind the Blog series. Unfortunately, this is the last of the series, but never late than never! Five simple questions were given for my husband to answer and let me say, he is a man that gets straight to the point. I couldn't help but insert a few of my comments as well!

1. What was your first job? I was a grocery store stocker and bagger in high school. 

Kelly says: He also worked full-time at a grocery store after high school while he decided what direction he wanted to go in life. He left that field to go to college and become an electrician. 

2. What is the biggest risk you've ever taken? Buying my first house. 

Kelly says: Agree, buying a house is very scary. It was also well worth it.

3. What is one thing you can't live without? My baby girl. 

4. What is your least favorite food? Peas. 

Kelly says: He is still a trooper to try a few whenever we have them (which is very rarerly). 

5. If you could time travel, where/when would you go? Nebraska pioneer times to see what it was really like. 

There you have it! I hope you enjoyed reading his answers as much as I have!

Keeping the Marriage Alive: Money Matters

Studies show the top 3 reasons for divorce come down to the following issues in marriage: money, sex, and conflict in child raising. In my line of work (mental health counselor, therapist, whatever you want to call me) I see each one of these play a role in majority of relationships! For each couple, the conflict may look a bit different, but typically it does come down to at least one of these issues. So today, let's talk money!

I can't tell you where the balance will be with finances in your relationship(s), but I will tell you that you must find balance! Finding a way to be mutually satisfied with where your money goes (and how it comes in for that matter) must take a priority in your life. 

I know what it feels like to not agree on finances. If you remember my post earlier about how there is typically a saver and a spender in every relationship? Our house didn't get passed, we are total opposites with money! 

It took my husband and me years to find our balance and to both feel satisfied with our financials. Still, we have hiccups occasionally. For instance, recently I have noticed that the two of us sometimes flip roles. As the saver, I all of the sudden am spending more while my husband spends the month saving money! 

So really, how did we make it work for us? Well since we have a spender and a saver in our house, there had to be compromise between both parties. As the saver, I have to give up money each month to my husband that he can spend as he sees fit. My husband (the spender) in turn knows that each month there will be a dedicated amount put into savings. This works for us!

Again, what works for another couple could look insanely different. For instance, we have friends that keep their finances separate and split all the bills evenly. They have been together as long as we have and love this system! You must take the time to listen to what your spouse needs and help each other meet both needs.

Bottom line, there are two people in the relationship that must feel satisfied with your financial situation.

So, tell me, how do you make your finances work with your significant other?

Keeping the Marriage Alive: Remembering the Why

It is amazing how fast time goes by when you are having fun. Right?!?! This month marks 5 years of marriage for my husband and me. To think how different life would have turned out if I didn't go on a Valentine's double-date with him 11 years ago!

When it comes to relationships, you will need to occasionally remember what brought the two of you together. This can be especially important during rockier relationship moments. I thought, with my own anniversary this month, I would share some of my history with the hubs!

We started dating in high school. I can honestly say, I don't think anyone gave much thought to us making it past the first year. He was a senior and would be leaving for college at the end of summer.

Somehow, we weathered the storm of a 3 year long distance relationship. Doesn't long distance suck? I think if you can survive that, you can weather any storms! To top it off, we were both so young during our long distance relationship stint that we had lots of unnecessary drama (as in issues that wouldn't have been issues today). Oh yes, there was blood, sweat, and tears, oh and regular break ups! No arguing this point, we were the Ross and Rachel of Friends! 

When I left for high school I ended up in the same town as my hubby, but we were broken up at the time. There was always something that pulled us back towards each other though! Within a few months, we were back together and our on again, off again status seemed to dissipate. We were officially ON. 

We got married.

We vacationed. Oh, how we vacationed!

We bought a house. Sold that house. And bought another.

We got 2 dogs together.

He taught me about construction. 

I taught him to dance. Er, kind of?!?!

My favorite part of this story, you ask? He (along with God's blessing), provided me with the greatest gift of all. Our child. 

WHY did I choose him? For more reasons than I could ever sum up. Most of all, he brings so much happiness to my life. I mean, didn't you see all those pictures? These are only a few of the highlights from our time together!

I couldn't have asked for a better partner in crime! He has been my support all these years, motivates me, loves me, and keeps me laughing.Cheers to remember good times!

What is your love story?

The Month of Love... Cookies

I am not always overly excited for Valentine's Day, but this year is especially dear to me. During this month, my husband and I will celebrate 5 years of marriage (officially on 2/28, unofficially all month long)!

I am so excited for this milestone! I decided to kick start the celebrations with some heart shaped sugar cookies... Yum! Let me tell you, they were delish.

When we were first married, we planned to take big vacations (think beaches, cruises, and margaritas). Flash forward five years and we have no plans of toting or leaving a 9 month old behind! Don't worry, we still have something in store for us that I am cooking up! More to come on that...

Keeping the Marriage Alive: Snack Dates

As I was wrapping up a long work week on Friday, I realized that the sheer exhaustion from my hectic schedule made me feel like I had ZERO energy to survive Friday night. Before child, Friday nights meant doing whatever I pleased and I would have relaxed and gone to bed early! With child, think again. 

As I prepared to face my evening, I still had dinner to make, eat, feed, bathe, and get my child to bed. My husband admitted to being as wiped as I was. Uh-oh. The last thing any marriage needs is both partners exhausted and trying to manage baby duties and run a household.

Nervous that exhaustion could potentially lead to fighting during the course of the evening, an impromptu snack date ensued to lift our moods and unite us together as we conquered the night!

I made a mad dash to the grocery store and picked up Oreos (on sale), which are a real treat and rarity in our house. I also found some mini cupcakes (clearance out). Nothing like a sugar high to help us conquer the night, eh?!?! 

I brought these items home and lit a few candles I had hidden away and ta-da:

I knew my hubby would want milk with his Oreos so I prepared for him to ask. Of course, I took it up a notch and served the milk in a wine glass. This is our new cocktail hour!

We took a seat together with our child and talked about our day! This gave us the calm before the storm we desperately needed. We also were able to reconnect before taking on our nightly chores.

I encourage you to have a snack date today! Let me know how it goes!

How To Not End Up Divorced In The First 6 Months Of Your Child's Life

It’s so exciting to reach the 6 month mark with your little one, but it is also a pivotal point where you reflect on what has occurred (both good and bad) in the last 6 months! Thus, several posts may be popping up on the lessons I have learned (see cloth diapering post here).

Let me start by being brutally honest when it comes to the first 6 months of your first child’s life and your marriage, both will have CHALLENGING MOMENTS!  During these times, I am sure at least one of us thought about the D-word (divorce) although neither of us ever said it. I know that I had many moments where I kept thinking, “I can’t do this.” But do this, I did.

Maybe you are reading this and you didn’t experience any conflict with your spouse, if so, please share your insight with me! For all the rest of us out there, you have been warned, conflict WILL occur! 

NOTE: As you read my tips, you may feel like this post is more about YOU than about your marriage. I have learned that, in most cases, we need to make sure we are taking care of ourselves in order to take better care of our relationships (see here as well)! 


So, without further ado, here are some tips that I have found that may help you during this time:

.   Realize you are not alone. It takes TWO!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You will not be the only one thinking your marriage is being challenged. In fact, you will probably be thinking every aspect of your life is being challenged during the first six months of your little one’s life. This includes finances, sleep, eating routine, household chores, showering, friends/family time, need I go on?!?!?
As I go through challenging moments with my relationship as we learn to raise a child, I can’t help but think of the movie: Save the Last Dance. Do you know what I am talking about?!?!? Well, there is a scene where Kenny and Chenille (teen parents together) are talking and it goes like this:
Kenny: “Don't blame me; I didn't want any of this!”
Chenille: “What? 'Cause I did? I climbed on top of myself and got myself pregnant?”
When I get frustrated, I always laugh as I think about this scene. Reminder: It took the BOTH of you to create this child.
Please keep in mind it is normal to experience stress (marital or any other kind) during this time. Also, I had to remind myself that, just as I was stressed so was my husband. His reasons for stress and what stress looks like for him have a tendency to look very different than my reasons.

2. Realize you BOTH are running on ZERO Energy Levels.

Maybe it is just me, but I had a tendency to say things like, “well I have been up all night so I shouldn’t have to (FILL IN THE BLANK).” It took me awhile to realize that just because I was getting up all night with our little one didn’t mean my husband was getting quality sleep. In fact, I noticed him many times tossing and turning. He also woke up most of the times that I got up. He just got the luxury of staying in the nice warm bed!

In his defense, he also was maintaining a full-time job with our newborn while I enjoyed the luxury of getting a little more than 12 weeks at home to adjust. Again, bear in mind, you both are most likely having the same feelings for different reasons!

3. You BOTH also had a shock to the system.

Let’s face it, no matter how much you know that you won’t be getting very much sleep you CANNOT prepare for the shock to the system that your body will go through when your child is born. Think about the last all-nighter you pulled and multiply that by a few months, without the sleeping all day on the couch to make up for it! Yep, you got it! Not to mention, you are at someone’s beck and call. This can be especially challenging for both parents! Give yourself some slack, you are doing the best you can and that is all anyone can ask of you!

4.   Sleep is a good thing.

This is common sense, I think?!?! Actually sleeping is much trickier to do in this situation. Babies have their own schedule and pay little to no attention to the social norms of day/night schedules.

If you are like me, when you do get a window to sleep, you will have trouble shutting your mind down. List after list will be created during quiet, free moments. If you are like my husband, you will get so used to a “stay awake always” routine that you can’t fall asleep.

I must say that getting some extra sleep makes a huge difference. If someone is willing to get up with your little for one night, TAKE it! Even if you end up getting up, like I typically did, I found that I slept so much better just knowing everything didn’t fall on my shoulders! So go lay down with your hubby for a bit, even just a “rest” can help you feel better prepared to take on that next diaper change!

When you don’t have the extra help, find a balancing system for both of you to have time to sleep. This may mean one of you naps more during the day while the other one gets the luxury of a full nights sleep!

5. Making time to be together 1:1 is a great thing!

Okay, I admit it, I started going to bed at the same time our little one went to bed. That was typically between 7:30 and 8:30PM, but by that time I was EXHAUSTED. Plus, she normally was back up between 2 and 4AM. Therefore, I felt justified. After about a week of this, I realized I wasn’t really seeing my husband at all. 

I know I just said sleep is a good thing, but spending time with your significant other, just the two of you, is also essential. You are going to have to make priorities and some nights, sleep just has to come second! What about doing something special together for even a half hour after your little one goes to bed? My husband and I sometimes have a glass of wine together and just talk for a few minutes.

6. Write down what you love about your significant other.

Think about and write down what attracted you to your significant other. Also, write down what they are really good at when they are with your new child. Now, put this where you can see it every day! Look at it every day. Read it every day! It will help you to keep a positive perspective on your significant other.

7.  Change Environments Regularly.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but I can tell you that it becomes way too easy to NOT leave the house. My husband took 3 weeks FMLA leave when our little one was born while I took just over 3 months FMLA leave. This time flew by and we spent probably 90% of the time at home. That is a long period of time at home!

Boredom, stir-craziness, depression are just a few effects on a human body that can be caused by sitting in one spot for too long. Get up and move around. Take your baby outside, go get groceries, drive around for a few minutes. Make sure you are changing your environment together! I found that even opening the curtains and windows for a few minutes each day, turning of the television, and playing music for my little one was also a good, quick change of scenery we all enjoyed. 

9.                        Find good family moments.

In the chaos of all the emotions you and your hubby will be feeling, there are soooo many GOOD moments! Take time to note these special moments. For me, the best moments were when we were all (my husband, dogs, baby, and I) together having tummy time with baby on the floor. Such sweet moments! Enjoy those moments wholeheartedly. DON’T think about anything else. Just focus on these special times.

10.                  Remember those family moments frequently.

See 9. Keep those moments in your mind all the time! Think about them constantly! It will keep you in a positive mindset. Also, make sure you enjoy all aspects of baby time; I already miss some of those moments that have changed. For instance, now that I have been sleeping at night again for about 2 months, I do miss those quiet moments of rocking my baby in the middle of the night.

11.                     Hold hands.

Please, please take time to not only talk, but touch each other! Maybe you aren’t approved by your doctor or are not ready for sex again, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have any physical contact. Hold hands anywhere and everywhere you go! Cuddle. Give massages. Believe me, it WILL make a difference in your personal feelings towards your hubby!

12.                   Say something nice, constantly!

This can be hard to do when you are tired and/or frustrated. Seriously though, can’t you think of one thing that you could say that is nice about your significant other? Maybe it is just to thank them for going to work that day in order to provide for your new family!
Commit yourself to say at least 1 nice thing each day to your spouse! Hopefully, you will get some kudos from them in return! Now that would be the appreciation you deserve! 

So that is my advice as I reflect on my own experience with our first child. At the end of the day, you have to remember the two of you are playing on the same team, you are not opponents. I can tell you something about my marriage after 6 months of baby bliss (plus over 4 years of marriage), we are still together and we are still going strong!
 
What advice do you have that I didn’t think to add?