Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Keeping the Marriage Alive: Money Matters

Studies show the top 3 reasons for divorce come down to the following issues in marriage: money, sex, and conflict in child raising. In my line of work (mental health counselor, therapist, whatever you want to call me) I see each one of these play a role in majority of relationships! For each couple, the conflict may look a bit different, but typically it does come down to at least one of these issues. So today, let's talk money!

I can't tell you where the balance will be with finances in your relationship(s), but I will tell you that you must find balance! Finding a way to be mutually satisfied with where your money goes (and how it comes in for that matter) must take a priority in your life. 

I know what it feels like to not agree on finances. If you remember my post earlier about how there is typically a saver and a spender in every relationship? Our house didn't get passed, we are total opposites with money! 

It took my husband and me years to find our balance and to both feel satisfied with our financials. Still, we have hiccups occasionally. For instance, recently I have noticed that the two of us sometimes flip roles. As the saver, I all of the sudden am spending more while my husband spends the month saving money! 

So really, how did we make it work for us? Well since we have a spender and a saver in our house, there had to be compromise between both parties. As the saver, I have to give up money each month to my husband that he can spend as he sees fit. My husband (the spender) in turn knows that each month there will be a dedicated amount put into savings. This works for us!

Again, what works for another couple could look insanely different. For instance, we have friends that keep their finances separate and split all the bills evenly. They have been together as long as we have and love this system! You must take the time to listen to what your spouse needs and help each other meet both needs.

Bottom line, there are two people in the relationship that must feel satisfied with your financial situation.

So, tell me, how do you make your finances work with your significant other?


  1. We have separate finances, but communicate regularly about our goals and where our money is going as we pay fun joint bills Haha. We each have our leftover money in our own accounts that we can use for to day spending or saving...however that individual sees fit. It works for us. I think you nailed it. Communication, which includes listening and empathy, is key.

  2. Hi! Thanks for stopping by! Empathy and understanding can go a long way in a relationship, that's for sure!

  3. It's a difficult subject for marriages for sure, and especially when there is a spender and a saver in the relationship. I think that couples who are both savers have this one licked!

    Having said that, it is not impossible for both partners to migrate towards the other's tendency and meet in the middle. Like you say, sometimes you flip roles. LOL This is where my husband and I am now. I used to be a spender and now am the saver. He was the saver but now because I have the reigns so tight, he looks like a spender to me!

    I can't fathom how keeping finances separate makes things easier. How do you account for different income levels? But I think play money should be taken out of the common pool and should be at each partners discretion. The couple should agree what type of things comes out of that money i.e. should it be used for wife's hair cut / colour (which is a lot more than men's), gifts (since women often do a lot of the family gift shopping, it doesn't make sense for it to come out of her 'play' money entirely) etc.

    I've blabbed on enough. You can tell I have a lot to say on this subject, ay? :D

  4. I knew one couple that used to separate finances (they are combined now because it got more complicated when a baby came along) that used a percentage system. For instance, they took into account that one person made significantly more than the other. So, for monthly mortgage and utilities, the person making more money paid 70% and the other paid 30%. I am not sure how the extras were done, like eating out, home repair, and purchasing groceries. I should ask them and write a post about it!

    I think we all just have to find a system that works for us! Thanks so much for stopping by!


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